Holidays; the ultimate leveller.

Holiday season is here. Crowded airports, sunburn, overeating, email withdrawal and a brace of dead hanging baskets to greet you upon your return.  There’s no magic formula for the perfect holiday and if there was, it would be pretty crowded and the sunbeds would’ve gone.

Recently back from a very enjoyable week on the island of Crete at The Elounda Village, I got to thinking about how the magic holiday formula would work.  Here are the normal variables: Price, Clientele, Service, Weather, Nightlife, Cleanliness, Duration, Distance, Food.  A quick squizz at Tripadvisor will give you a feel for how your destination ranks against these and will help you decide if it’s a go-er or not.  My choice displayed odds stacked thus:

Excellent: 362 Very good: 190 Average: 48 Poor: 13 Terrible: 7

Having bought into a holiday however (and the choice was actually fine) we were availed of numerous trips, excursions and entertainments of a less easily measurable quality.  Being close as we were to the impressive Venetian fortress of Spinalonga which until 1959 served as a the last surviving Leper Colony, we opted into a day trip with minimal research.  The island visit was inspiring and historically informative but the follow-up “Beach BBQ” was less so.

crete 050If I’d wanted a bunch of navvies to serve me an incinerated pork chop I’d have gone to Club 18-30.  If I’d wanted to stand shoulder to shoulder with belligerent, territorial numpties I’d have stayed on the northern line. I’ve seen bigger beaches on The Thames even if the water was less clear (had I the space to dive into it).
My meal was not so much served as stabbed.  Stabbed by a plastic fork which threw a small but brilliantly targeted javelin of olive oil-laden tomato mulch down my “Blanc du Nil” white shirt. The paper plate upon which the meal assembly was prepared was only stable until an orange the size of a Fifa-approved football was hurled upon it as a final offering.
This was not a meal, this was war. Greek style.  And as the earlier history lesson had reminded us, the Greeks are not used to losing…
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3 thoughts on “Holidays; the ultimate leveller.

  1. This made me laugh so much – I went on the exact same trip! I agree, that the visit to Spinalonga was great although now we know the trip I think next time (and there will be a next time because I fell in love with Crete and can’t wait to visit again), I would just charter a boat over to the island and ditch the excursion.

    1. Lol – what a day out that was! As for a return visit im not so sure; there are so many other places I want to visit that I have not yet seen…(loving the chilli blogs btw. I tried to grow them to satisfy my passion for all things chilli but failed – the greenfly developed a taste for scotch bonnets. Brave.)

      1. Thank you, some of them seem to be taking forever to flower at the moment but I still have a few good hot pods! Yes greenfly are the worse pain for chilli plants – second only to snails but having said that a quick spray with some soapy water gets rid of the greenfly so give them another go 🙂

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